Two weeks ago I read Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely. He conducted several experiments to understand ‘the forces’ that shaped our decision making. If you want to know more about ‘the forces’ that made our decision in daily basis (which is predictable and somewhat illogical), I highly recommend this book. He explains how expectations, emotions, social norms, and other invisible forces skew our reasoning abilities.
I am particularly interested in social norms. He stated that we live simultaneously in two different norms: market norms and social norms. And once market norms enter our consideration, social norms depart. Hence, we need to be careful in identifying the situation.
Lately, I am encountered with new perspective on a gift-giving.
I am more of a simple person per se. I am usually make a (detailed) wish list and tell my friends what I need (or want) so they don’t need to be worry about things like “do I really need that stuff?”, “do I like the color?”, “does it have the right size?”, “what if her friends also buy the same thing as we are?” and so on. And when it’s my turn to gift-giving, I usually made sure that the stuff is either used in daily basis or entertaining, else I just give money or money-related gift (voucher, fine gold, etc.).
The new perspective is this: I don’t feel entitled with the gifts I received and the gift I give; but some people does.
My parents does too, actually. When I am invited to the wedding, my mom will ask me “how much they gave you on your wedding?” and she reminds me to give the equals value-of-money or, even better, give more. I believe it’s a good intention, but when we put value-of-money on the things we received, it becomes a mix of social norm and market norm. It’s complex.
I don’t have the energy to remember every gifts I received and how much it costs. And I’d like to simplify it:
I give and I forget
I receive, I am thankful, and I don’t scroll the web to know how much it costs.
My life seems to be easier when I am not burdened with social contract like this. Because I have other things to focus on: my family, my career, my health, my hobby and other things in between.
And I think, you should liberate yourself too.
Series of Thoughts by Windi Astuti 